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Opinions of Tuesday, 7 June 2016

Columnist: Counselor Frank Adofoli

Helping the brokenhearted

A lost and found friend paid me a surprise visit at my office. It has been a long time since we met; despite the excitement we felt upon seeing each other, it was not enough to hide whatever life issues which were confronting my friend. He was just dead within.

Mike what is killing you? I asked. Mike was here to seek counseling. He tried to help a stranger he met recently and became friends. She had a broken heart and was going through deep depression. In a bid to be there for her always, they ended up having an affair, which was a mistake.

Mike, suddenly realizing it was wrong, decided to stop immediately. He informed her of his decision and apologized to her. He is married and didn’t want to have anything to do with her. The lady on the other hand wants Mike at all cost, and is using the affair to blackmail him.

Mike has gone into hiding, distancing himself from friends and family and looking for ways to fix this. This offended some of his friends, but the truth is “he who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words”.

I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head, when you don't even understand it yourself. I have stopped explaining myself as soon as I realized other people only understood from their angle of perception.

The lady in question kept sending insults, at the same time his friends got him wrong. Well, you might be seen as despicable if you find yourself in such shoes, but never treat people badly. Just treat them accordingly.

It is alright to be confused; that is where you begin to learn new things. It's where you begin to heal and it's alright to be frustrated, it's where you start to make more authentic decisions.

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you. Never respond to them, the less you respond to negativity, the more peaceful your life becomes.

We all make mistakes in life. Mistakes, obviously, show us what needs improving. Without mistakes, how will we know what we have to work on?

Never forget who helped you in difficult times, who left you in difficult times and who put you in difficult times.

You must learn who is gold and who is simply gold plated. The Gold is a friend who stays and never leaves; a friend such as the lady in question is gold plated.

Ask God for forgiveness and move on. "The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results" - James 5:16(NLT).

Being a good person does not mean you have to put up with other people's madness. Remember the same person who brought you pain is the same person who is checking to see if you are happy.

In conclusion "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" - Romans 12:12 (NIV).