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Opinions of Sunday, 24 July 2011

Columnist: Sarpong, Justice

Hahahahahaha, Raped And Screwed, This Is Funny

Sarpong, Justice

This is the Gospel according to Mr Peeved and Mr Joel

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Parliament has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Parliament to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Parliament deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Parliament.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Parliament has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MPs, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS- - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off

My brothers and sisters, I can’t supply you with basic services (cause it’s not my job) but ask me to visit anywhere in the country and I will make sure that my advance party spend enough money, to provide all the finest services temporary for my comfort. Don’t forget others before me did this so don’t look at me to stop it!!

My brothers and sisters, the price of one of my government cars can buy a lot of pumps for the water system in Ghana but I did not start the mismanagement, so allow me to continue it

My brothers and sisters, it doesn’t matter which of my people are stealing and raping the nations resources. As long as I have not been caught stealing THERE IS NO STEALING RIGHT!

My brothers and sisters, I know you are all ignorant and follow me because in this our CHIEF/SLAVE mentality democracy, I alone control all appointments to institutions and you are all cowards to challenge me.

My brothers and sisters, to demonstrate your ignorance, after more than 400 years since the white man came over and conned you with the bible to lord over you and steal, I can still use the same trick to lord, mismanage, intimidate and do anything I please and you still sing my praises.

My brothers and sisters, because you are all LAZY you will forever sing the praise of the one with the deepest pockets. Too lazy to reason that for every pesewa I give you I have to make sure that I hide/misappropriate one cedi.

My brothers and sisters, the very people that mislead Rawlings and later blamed him for everything wrong in Ghana are the same ones I employ. I do so because they are good at looting and hiding it. Unlike the trusting former president however, I know what they are capable of and will cover myself with the bible.

My brothers and sisters, If I hunt those who abused their office in the last administration and jail them, The NPP will accept this as precedent and do the same to me and my appointees. It is better to leave things as they are and chop some too (I’m not a fool).

MY IGNORANT BROTHERS AND BLIND SISTERS the two terms, eight years is to be viewed as an EXCEPTION and not the RULE. Put bluntly you all have to make a point of challenging sitting presidents every four years within the parties. This is to stop them from getting lazy and assuming they are entitled to an 8 year rule.

Justice Sarpong

Houston, Texas