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Opinions of Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Columnist: Asare, Kwaku S.

Emerging Theories of the Fall of the Cedi

Why is the cedi falling? Throw away all the books on monetary economics. It is time to go the Presidency and talk to some of those who advice the President and whose theories on why the cedi is falling are likely to affect the President’s actions.
We start with Abraham Amaliba, a senior presidential advisor and an unofficial member of the complex presidential information structure. According to Abraham, there is a rather simple reason why the cedi is falling that has managed to escape the economics textbook. In his learned opinion, “the sharp fall of the cedi can be easily and unambiguously attributed to the imposing high-rise buildings scattered around Accra, especially those near the house of former President John Kufuor.”
Next stop is Anita Desoso, the Deputy National Coordinator of the National Disaster Management Organisation (NADMO). She attributes the steep depreciation of the cedi to black magic or juju. The Desoso theory of the fall of the cedi holds that, “the activities of magicians, who conjure money as part of their stock in trade, have a direct effect on the cedi, which is witnessing unprecedented depreciation in recent times. The juju men, who use dwarfs, steal such monies from banks and other financial institutions and inadvertently affected their stability.”
Then there is Alhaji Collins Dauda, the Minister of Water Resources Works and Housing, who has recently argued that there is little the President could do to address the current economic situation, including the decline of the cedi, since both the Qur'an and the Bible have predicted hard condition at the “End Time.” In other words, the decline of the cedi is predicted by both holy books!
Supposedly, all of these novel and intriguing theories informed the recent “Wampah Mahama Directive (WMD),” which, among others, placed restrictions on customers’ withdrawals from their own foreign exchange accounts, a WMD that is surely likely to negatively impact depositors’ confidence, the single most important commodity traded by the Banks.
It is against this background that the Reverend Duncan Williams has offered this prayer: “In the name of Jesus, say Satan take your hands off the President; take your hands off the Central Bank and the Finance Minister. Say we release innovation for the President, my God, the Governor of the Bank of Ghana, Central Bank, in the name of Jesus Christ the son of God, the Finance Minister. Say we command new ideas, breakthroughs and a miracle for the economy. Let the cedi rise in Jesus name."
To which, I add the cedi hiplife:
The Cedi is falling like rain!
The country is in pain!
The President needs a brain!
Terkper's ministry is a drain!
The Bank's efforts are in vain!
The Churches can't explain!
And the Pastor ordains!
To contain our pain!
While we strain!
And abstain!
Again and again!
We are getting insane!
And pray to maintain!
To sustain and retain!
That the Cedi will gain again!
I may not be the coequal of Amaliba, Desoso, Dauda, Wampah and the President but still I say tweaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

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