Come Dine With Me

By: Kobina Antobam

Yes, come and sup with me,now that the Ghana Supreme Court has rendered its verdict on the legal challengeof the results of the 2012 election by Mr. Akufo-Addo, Obetsebi-Lamptey, andDr. Bawumia.

My magnanimous charitableinvitation is for only the loser loudmouth pundits who “knew” the verdict rightfrom the start of the hearings, all through the court proceedings, and afterfinal arguments had been presented but before the official verdict, and wouldn’tshut up, wrote about it, screamed in our ears about it, insulted the judges andopponents, and disturbed our peace with their stupidity and foolishness.

On a second thought, theinvitation for my fete is extended to those who wouldn’t rein in their uncouth screaming insulting underlings, butchose to pussyfoot around them like some untouchable delicate royalties.

Yes, I am inviting allthose cloudy-eyed seers who foretold the winner of the election petitionwhenever the legal team on their side made any form of argument that may nothave been meaningful but sounded cogent. For the months that the boring casedragged on, noise makers and stranded writers overseas told us that their sidehad won many times over.

Many of you acted like thegentleman who went to a nice restaurant and asked for the special of the dayand was told that it was a delicious cow tongue stew. The gentleman’s immediateresponse was: “I never eat anything that comes out of an animal’s mouth.” Thechef asked, “What else would like to have today?” And the gentleman replied,“Get me some fried eggs instead.”

The morale here is thatmany of you, with no legal background, were not good listeners and jumped tohasty conclusions about what came out of only the odorous orifice of the legalteam of your party.

So, to help relieve andsoothe your pain after you have ceased crying over last Thursday’s verdict, Iam inviting all of you crybabies to come to my house in Takoradi for a hugefeast. There will be only two items on the menu: my homemade HUMBLE PIE to be chaseddown with a gut-wrenching distasteful secret drink that should help digest andpass the HUMBLE PIE as quickly as you ingest it; which, I hope, should make youfeel like you have contracted a severe diarrhea, stomach flu, or some form of cholera.There will be more than enough pie for even those who decide off-the-cuff tocrash my party of “consolation” and show up uninvited. You only have to provethat you are on the losing side.

My HUMBLE PIE and thespecial drink will not only cleanse your innards but will open up your clogged muddiedbrains, too. So come one, come all and engorge and binge yourself silly. Youonly have my honorable pledge that I will not humiliate you any more than yourown self-inflicted demoralization, because, if the Chief Justice of the GhanaSupreme Court could not put the fear of God in some of you with his threats ofimprisonment and/or fines, my HUMBLE PIE should teach you, arrogant braggarts.a thing or two about respect and humility.

Anyway, I have a specialinvitation for Mr. “Beauty” of New York who, I hope, will say grace before you alleat.

Good day.