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Opinions of Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Columnist: Bright Simons

Bright Simons writes: 16 voting procedures you must observe today

By Bright Simons

Okay so now that we are 8 hours to the polls and my social media binging is winding slowly to a close it would seem now is the time to say something PROFOUND, THOUGHTFUL, MILD-MANNERED & CULTURED, just the way we like it in Ghana.

I approach this like an assignment. I have visited the walls of the usual suspects of "Facebook anyasasem", hovered over the statuses of the great ones who bless us with gems of wisdom and finally secured clearance from the Awareness General that no one has released these pearls of insight yet.

And now I'm ready.

1. Go and vote tomorrow. Doesn't cost a thing. Thank God, ECG isn't adding that to the bill yet.

2. Eat a medium-heavy breakfast.

3. No beans.

4. You need fluids as queues may be a bit long.

5. However your rights as a voter does not include a right to a posh
watercloset 15 meters from the polling booth.

6. That means sobolo not tea.

7. If you are middle class, bring your blood pressure and cholesterol meds
else you might miss dosage. Swallow with sobolo.

8. If you are middle class, check with your pharmacist in case you could be allergic to anything in sobolo.

9. The queues can be tight, and the humidity can make it extra stuffy. Please don't go to the polling station in your office suit and tie.

10. Arguments can alleviate the boredom of queuing, just wear a good mouthguard, just in case an area macho decides to illustrate a few points
with your face as a drawing pad.

11. It is fine to bring waakye for your party's agent. If however you are like Evron Hughes and haven't done bentoa distribution long enough to be grassroots-recognisable, please be prepared to be looked at funny though. After all, you could be a rival party's hack bringing food laced with valium.

12. It is alright to say "thank you" to the polling station attendants when they take you through the steps.

13. It is supposed to be a simple process. You stretch out your hand, ballot paper is inserted. Your fingernails are marked. If you have views on what the thickness of the ballot paper should have been to accord with your fine tastes, please keep them in your head. After voting you can come and lecture the world on Facebook.

14. If you see anything funny, and the security person at post doesn't seem like he has had breakfast, call Peace FM first, and for what it is worth try calling 191 after.

15. You can take a selfie with your ballot sheet and your thumbprint. Secrecy of vote is your right not an exception to your freedom of expression. Just don't waste everyone's time doing a movie inside the polling booth. You can be arrested for disrupting proceedings.

16. Do carry spare underwear, just in case you forget this small piece of common sense and start a riot...The IGP created a bit of room at Nima Police Station just in case too....

Happy Voting!