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Opinions of Thursday, 4 August 2016

Columnist: Akwah, Nana

Beware: Children with thirst for parents abuse

I am beginning to think some adult children treat their parents badly because they would not dare to say the things to others they say to their parents. They think they can get away with it.

I sincerely believe that a good number of parents have problems with their adult children right now and through the years. I have tried to find many reasons of why children treat their parents with such disrespect. The reason I have come up with is because many of us have been too good to them. They complain and run to us with all their problems and we have tried to fix them.

We should have let them fall on their faces so that they would grow up and handle their own bad choices. As parents we should do well not to speak to them anymore even though it hurts but I have to say you don't have to listen to their childish whining anymore.

Many a time, I find this disturbing phenomenon worrying and it is like, so many others trying to have the parent, who is the one that has been disrespected and verbally abused, to take most of the blame. It is NO, NO, NO! It is not acceptable for your child of any age to disrespect you.

Accepting bad behavior only keeps the bad behavior going. Speak up and let them know it is not acceptable. A lot of adult children think that the parent is still responsible for the mistakes they make and when they are miserable they blame the parent because they know they can get away with it because the parent will still love them no matter what. You can love your child but do not put up with their disrespect.

Putting up with their disrespect really is not being a parent. Allowing abuse teaches the abuser that he or she gets the desired result. Don't be lured, break that cycle immediately. If you can't do it, get help. Because perpetuating abuse is NOT healthy for anyone!

There are those of us who says that, if your child is nasty to you then there is probably something wrong with you and you should fix it. It is funny how you started with that thought.

Parents work hard at providing the best of life for their kids. They are their teachers, role models, chauffeurs, cooks, cleaning service, banks, and much more. The adult child should always consider all the hard work and love that went into shaping him or her. The only granting that might be of interest if any at all, will have to be that, if mistakes are happening now it is because we are exhausted and done. Now it is their turn to return the love and hang in there. We did.

Normally what complicate things, a fact that many people tend to overlook is that, sometimes a spouse acts as an enabler or a confederate when a grown child treats the other parent disrespectfully. This escalates the conflict and imposes additional obstacles for the parent who is trying to establish a more respectful and fruitful relationship with the child. Such partners forget that they are adding to the conflicts.