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Opinions of Thursday, 18 August 2016

Columnist: Akosah, Obibiniba Kofi

Beginning of the end

His incompetency Opana Johnny Dumsor Hama has just announced one of his fictitious, vainly utopian schemes: an extraordinary illustration of his hollow rule of Akana. This time around he plans to introduce a Ket?kyei, which will traverse the land, the Volta Lake, river Ankobra and even the almighty Epo of all places on Asaase Yaa.

Hmmm…Has Opana finished constructing the Akana City to Oseikrom road? The answer is hell NO! As?m S?b?. Don’t forget! He recently built and commissioned in his Forest Book a road from Afram Savannah to his native Bolay-Bangirl, which no one has ever seen or travelled on. My good brother Okatakyie Akwatia Asade-Bediako of Kwaku One fame tells me it was photo shopped from Kangaroo Land. Boo…I thought it was only my sister Nene Abba who is shamefaced of photo shopping.

Only ten market days ago, he commissioned an asikyire factory with great fanfare, pomp and pageantry that didn’t produce even a cup of asikyire but was shut down in three days for a routine and ethereal maintenance. The ballyhoo that trailed is yet to die. It cut across as perfidious. Are you telling me building Castles in the air is his remarkable trade mark? Huh! Have things become so ugly and amateurish? Awoooo…Ama Akana! The cries of the people, I guess.

On the spur of the moment I think my uncle Okukuseku Konkonsani of Apetebie is guilty of hyperbole, when he states that we have fallen victims to political charlatans and quacks. Meanwhile big mouth Ownoo Self-Knighted Jonny Kojo Koto Aduomi says he agrees in Toto.

For almost four seasons Opana and his babies with sharp teeth have wretchedly run and ruined Akana, a once affluent kingdom with no more dwete? in the West Coast of Akibiland, with long hands and forked tongue. You don’t need a soothsayer like Obimim to tell you Akana’s ‘ecomini’, to borrow a word from Uncle Atadwe Milk, aka Me De? Me P? Asomdwe?, May his gentle & hypocritical soul rest in Asamando, is in a severe comatose.

Unevenly, 500 men and women, some of whom have publicly declared they only need one million Uncle Sam sika in order to control people, have managed to milk the kingdom depleted to the point of Yaamutu.

Yaanom want us to believe that we have experienced the best of slavery under their domination, since Kofi Nwia the 9th born liberated us from the greedy Queen who adorns her hair to toe with Sika Kokoo but asks her people to live within their means.

The mentioning of Kofi Nwia the 9th Born sends chills down my spine. I’m cock sure the ghost of Kofi Nwia the 9th born is haunting us. The likes of Opana are his ideological by-product.

Alas, there were even attempts to eavesdrop on us via a dubious law that could have easily passed so far as our rubber stamp and intellectually bankrupt Mbra Hy? Bedwa filled with Honourables who vote on Bills but don’t even bother to read them is the game changer. Asem Beba Dabi. This time around Akanaians took the bull by its horns and swiftly nipped this treacherous and callous move in the bud by standing against it.

Opana has maneuvered to become an Imperial Majesty of an Omanhene, who has the sole prerogative to change our already horribly written Mbra Piesie. Our greatest appreciation to those morally bankrupt Jurists who prefer Aponkye Nkrakra to TRUTH & JUSTICE, and thereby pervert even the appearance of Impartiality. Cry Aloud Beloved Akana! The last goal post of Liberty is under attack from within.

Charley it just occurred to me the feigned demented rants from Seikwa Asebu Nkate?, popularly known by every Ama, Kofi, Oko, Emefa and Faiza as General Ntontom is in hibernation. I’m very sure this obese person who hails from the banks of the Tain River is gathering steam for the up-coming vote-catching season.

Meanwhile we are wearily waiting for the Nkomf?m to return from Moshieland. Did I hear Totobi Kwakye II says they will be here come the 6th day of the 11th Month? Truth is this is the day before Akanaians decide on the next Slave Master to ruin them. Yoo yati! Y?ne Akoko da, y?n mp? no dabr?.

When a bird dies in the air its feathers come down at all cost. My uncle Okukuseku Konkonsani of Apetebie is at it again oo. That man is too critical for my liking, I hasten to add. This time around he says even morons won’t plant trees in the dry season without making provision for irrigation. Aba! Can’t this self-acclaimed Old Patriot find a nice way of saying things?

At his core Opana is inanely incompetent, rightfully earning the nickname His Incompetency, the man who grew up in the city but calls himself the village boy. His promise to end dumsor was but lip service at best. I’m sure those of you like Anarchist Akwasi Bodua Adubadu who calls the Omanhene a chronic liar will be visited with a baseball bat sooner than later by the Fool Soldiers.

Don’t worry since Master Propagandist, Bodua Plant will take to Asomdwe? Akasanoma every sunrise to defend the indefensible in favour of Opana and his gang under the conveyance of Kwamina Efa-Nkai. I heard three little birds from my rooftop this morning convincingly announcing to the whole of Akana that Bodua Plant’s cheeks have been filled. Anyway one man’s poison is another’s delicacy.

I only woke up some few market days past to learn Okoto the Son of Yank has been brought to order by his employers for referring to Opana as an armed-robber. The shrewd young man insists it was only a harmless question and of course a distasteful joke.

Never mind, on the 7th day of the 12th month, Akanaians will line up like slaves to elect a new Slave Master, whom they will never bother to ask to be accountable to them. Is this the beginning of the end of Opana? Maybe yes, maybe no, since the man and his Team B whose family is the November December Cannibals have got a lot of tricks under their hats.

Akana’s most hilarious Konkonsani from our first ever private Akasanoma, the Anigye family, Ado-Kwame Dadi, who also happened to be the Human Rights Konkonsah teacher of yours truly under the tutelage of Agonaba Kojo Yinka’s Abibiman Institute of Konkonsah is asking a pertinent question: “Why do they call it 'sole-sourcing' when it's actually 'bribe-sourcing'?”

Yesterday as I walk home in my drunken stupor, I heard some girls playing ampe, and this was the accompanying music: Menam na me tete…Me tete…Gift-taking president…Seiho seiho…Wobete FORD! Masere saaaa enter the Korle-Bu Morgue by mistake. Looting Akana, Transforming November December Cannibals.