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Opinions of Friday, 15 July 2011

Columnist: Appiah, Okofrompa Asantiniba Kwame

The Biggest Loser: Fallout From Konadu’s Humiliating Loss in Sunyani

It is uncharacteristic of me to kick someone when they are down. However, the downfall of Obaapa Konadu Agyeman Rawlings aka She Who Must Be Obeyed deserves some serious postmortem analysis. Talking heads and pundits are welcome to dissect the mother of all defeats. A friend remarked that this is akin to General Erskine getting only two votes in the constituency where he, his wife and children all voted. Ouch! People chop Madam’s money free! Instead of going through a tedious ex-post analysis of the maybes, ifs and whys, I will stick to an analysis of the biggest losers from the NDC congress in Sunyani. Below is a top 10 Biggest Losers from the humiliating loss suffered by Obaapa Konadu.

10. NPP
Yes, the NPP is a loser in Mrs. Rawlings failure to wrestle the presidential slot from Agya Atta. NPP was praying and hoping that Konadu wins. NPP benefits when its main political rival is in disarray. If Konadu wins, NDC is not able to capitalize on the incumbency factor and NPP gets an easier route back to power. This also helps NPP parliamentary candidates as the trickledown effect of incumbency is removed with a win by Konadu Agyeman Rawlings. Additionally, Konadu is very polarizing and her candidature will drive all the independents to the NPP. Also, it will remind Ghanaians of the brutal regimes led by her husband. The days of shit bombing, castle haircuts, maiming and death to innocent civilians, etc. NPP looks less bad with this kind of image hanging over the NDC. Kuffour and Richard bonking for Ghana Anane’s misdeeds look less important compared to the suppressive regimes of Rawlings. NPP is a clear loser in my opinion.
Had Mrs. Konadu Agyeman Rawlings won, Akufo-Addo would have been forming his cabinet by now. A Konadu win will have handed over the presidency to the NPP and Akufo-Addo. Agya Atta despite his lack of charisma has beaten the loquacious Akufo-Addo and can easily beat him again with the advantage of incumbency. Sorry Nana, you should have sent the 10 black cats, 20 cowries, and the 12 yards of calico Efo Segbene Yehodzi (#8) demanded from you. He would have prayed harder for a Konadu win.

9. 31st December Women’s movement 31DWM
The Sunyani congress was a great opportunity for the movement to prove that it is alive and kicking. However, the results indicate that the movement is dead. The clout the movement enjoyed in the political landscape of Ghana appears dead with the Rawlings out of power. All the KVIPs, gari and palm oil processing factories, and day care centers did not create a lasting political legacy. The imaginary grass root support Rawlings and his wife enjoyed appeared nonexistent in the aftermath of Sunyani.

8. Segbene Yehodzi (Konadu’s prophet from Volta Region)
This is the prophet who boldly predicted that Obaapa will win hands down and go on to win the presidency. It is not surprising he hails from the Volta Region-the NDC’s World Bank. This man went as far as putting his pawpaw head at stake if Obaapa fails to win. Somebody do him a favor and separate him from his pawpaw. I am sure the rest of his body will be happy to be rid of the useless brains residing in that pawpaw. In the absence of such a drastic recourse, his wife (if he has one) should refuse him sex for one year. He needs more time to reflect on his stupidity.

7. Michael Teye Nyaunu
The Lower Manya MP and campaign coordinator for the Nana Konadu for 2012 Campaign is one sore and big loser. As a sitting MP he is not going anywhere. But let’s see how he manages his re-election campaign without the support of Agya Atta and the party. Maybe a way out for him is to join the NPP as is being speculated already. He managed a campaign that garnered less than four percent of the votes. What in hell did he do? I hope he was not paid. Somebody take this man’s BP before he blows a gasket.

6. FONKAR (Friends of Nana Konadu Agyeman-Rawlings)
She will run, she will not run. She will run, she will not run. She did run and the results were disastrous. It all started with FONKAR. Long before Obaapa picked up nomination forms and formally entered the race, FONKAR was in the news. FONKAR was the harbinger of all this mess. Though the Rawlings initially denied any link to FONKAR, and no formal relationship between the candidate and the group was ever acknowledged, FONKAR soldiered on. Ghanaians, however, saw through the hoax. FONKAR was formed, orchestrated, financed and propped by the Rawlings. Now let’s see what happens to FONKAR. Maybe they should change their acronym to FUNKAR (Fuck-U Nana Konadu Agyeman-Rawlings).

5. Kofi Adams
Another loser is this spokesman for Mr. Rawlings and author of several bunkum pronouncements promoting the candidacy of Obaapa and denigrating that of Agya Atta. I have this simple advice for you Efo Kofi Adams. Go and find the nearest chicken poop and stick your potty mouth in it. Also, go and scratch your mouth on the ground (fa wa no twi-twi fom). Ofui! Somebody press the mute button on this buffoon and spare all of us any more pronouncements.

4. Herbert Mensah
On the list of biggest losers is the onetime chief executive of Kumasi Asanti Kotoko, Mr. Herbert Mensah. Herbert whose father suffered at the hands of the illegitimate Rawlings regimes somehow found himself in the camp of Mrs. Rawlings. His entry into the Rawlings camp was facilitated by his ‘entry into’ one of the Rawlings daughters. He is reported to have fathered an out of wedlock grandchild for Mr. and Mrs. Rawlings. He now has a blood relationship with the Rawlings, after everything Efo Jerry did to his father. For the love of money and power, many will sell their heritage, dignity and pride. It appears that Mr. Herbert Mensah sold himself short as Mrs. Rawlings failed to garner even 5 percent of the votes. I will put Herbert on anger management and diarrhea watch.

3. Dr. (Fake) Spoi Gabrah
Along with the Rawlings clan, Spio is among the biggest losers. He was flopping around like a fish out of water. Dr. (Fake) Spio is a communication expert with no clear cut personal communication strategy. Maybe if he had gone to a better school or accepted and actually studied for a doctorate at Syracuse as he alleges instead of buying an honorary degree at a community college. Sorry, I digress. At one point Spio joined the contest as an aspirant. Then withdrew! (Something Herbert Mensah should have done with the Rawlings girl. Sorry, I digress again.) But anyone who passed class one could tell that Spio was seeking attention. Additionally, he was desperately trying to parlay the little clout and modicum of dignity he has left into something only his Ohio University educated brain could fathom. Spio had no future in a win for Mills as he had no credibility in the Mills camp. Thus, he had to throw his support behind the Rawlings. Hoping against hope that Obaapa wins. Bad move Dr. (Fake) Spio. Backing Obaapa was like selling your house and staking the proceeds on two sure bankers in the national lotteries. I will put Spio on depression watch.

2. JJ Rawlings
Chairman Rawlings bet his reputation as a shaker and mover of the NDC on the candidacy of his dearest wife. He thought we are still in the era when Ghanaians caught a cold anytime he sneezed. His reputation, charisma, fake charm, bravado, etc could not get his wife even 10 percent of the votes. A mere 10 percent he could not deliver. Ten percent could have helped make the case for Obaapa as vice president. Then she could have tried again in 2016. Volta region (World Bank) delegates, where were you? Where were all the sycophants and moochers? He should have seen the writing on the wall when long time padres like ET Mensah (his former barber), PV Obeng, Ahwois, and Aunty Betty etc deserted him and joined the Mills camp. Well, Jerry is not known as a thinking man for nothing and as expected, he failed to think through the implications of his scrawny, bony ass-ugly wife contesting for the flag bearer position. I will put Efo Jerry on anger management, depression, arson watch.

1. Obaapa Konadu Agyeman Rawlings
And the biggest loser is ‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’, Obaapa Dr. Mrs Konadu Agyeman Rawlings. NDC delegates handed a humiliating loss to the former first lady and leader of 31DWM. The loss is not as bad as the manner in which it was administered. How can this once powerful woman manage less than four percent of the votes? How can Madam lose to the dour, boring and no charisma Agya Atta? NDC delegates saw through the charade. The power drunk, vindictive, and jealous Rawlingstocracy that the Rawlings were trying to foster on Ghanaians. The delegates did the NDC a big favor and everyone on this list a big dis-favor. I will put Obaapa on depression and suicide watch.

By Okofrompa Asantiniba Kwame Appiah