A response to an advice advocating sex before marriage

Recent statistics have shown that divorce cases are on the rise in our country, Ghana. Daily Graphic has reported that in 2014 alone, about 600,000 marriages were broken up.

This data has inherent implication of broken homes - single parenting, teenage pregnancy, low self esteem of children, school drop out et al.

To mitigate such menace affecting the core of society (family), most groups of persons including the clergy, marriage counsellors, psychologists, lawyers and other social commentators have in their efforts prescribed or proffered solution to minimise divorce.

But the recent one from lawyer Margaret Acheampong proposing" practical sex before marriage " is not only diabolic but a recipe to promote promiscuity and infidelity among couples, which is one of the leading causes of divorce.

Madam lawyer Acheampong assertion that "practical sex would offer potential couples the opportunity to know each other better” and thereby minimize divorce cannot be entirely true.

In a write up by Brian C Thomas on consequences of sex before marriage, he makes an astounding revelation by researchers from a poll they conducted "Society says you do not buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on. For anyone not familiar with the saying, it simply means they will not marry a person until they first see how he or she is in bed.

People think that by doing this, they can avoid incompatibility in marriage. But statistics show that only 2% of couples who waited until marriage for sex end up in divorce. While over 50% of couples who did not wait end up in divorce".

Furthermore, from reapteam.org on their write up on epidemic of bad sex in marriage also made this revelations "An estimated 40 million women in America complain about their sex lives (Oprah, 6/00).

They hate having it, sex feels like a chore, there is no enjoyment, no intimacy—these women have lost the desire for sex. WHY? The answer is not easy, and certainly is not the same for every woman, but it unfortunately affects their husbands and marriages.

Although there can be many explanations for the trend, sex before marriage can only contribute to this sad phenomenon". This story was shared by one such affected women on Oprah show in June 2000 "Before marriage, we had sex 3-4 times a week; but after marriage, it became like a chore.”

Why? Before marriage, the woman admitted that sex was used as a tool (to get a man to commit for her own personal comfort). In this situation, the act of sex was used inappropriately.

Sex inside marriage is designed to be an emotional experience that bonds a couple through good and bad times. It is not meant to simply “comfort” a relationship.

Individuals often become misguided as to the role of sex in a relationship and it is only through a great deal of effort, forgiveness, time, and healing that people are able to discover the beauty of sex in marriage". Clearly, the trumpeted advice by Madam Acheampong is just an assiduous attempt to promote promiscuity other than a proffer solution to minimising a social problem.

Mark Gungor, a marriage and family life consultant in his series of "damages of sex before marriage" makes a staggering revelation on the psychological damage this have on women. Science shows us that when a woman has sex with a man, a chemical called oxytocin is released into her system.

Oxytocin is a neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human superglue and helps a woman bond with her infant. This chemical also helps a woman bond with her lover during sex.

New scientific studies, however, suggest that if a woman has multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin which in turn can inhibit her ability to bond to her husband.

According to an article by Drs. John Diggs and Eric Keroack, “People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual". And this experience could ruin her married life.

Marriage is not an intellectual discourse of law and psychology but is God given and planned institutions. And if anyone so wish to marry, then he must be prepared to engage in the rules of God set for it. For scripture admonishes all that "Many are the thoughts of men, but it's the counsel of Jehovah that shall stand".

Any decision of man taken to satisfy himself [pleasure] against the will of God would have dire consequence on him and the society at large. If indeed it is an established fact that, you require a manual to operate an equipment effectively, why then is it becoming seemingly difficult for men to seek the real interpretation and rules of marriage from God (the originator) and desist from "diabolic counsel" from intellectuals who have limited ideals from the subject matter.

And madam Acheampong's suggestion of "practical sex before marriage" is a clear evidence of misguided solution.

Despite the liberalized sex environment, there is significant belief that sex is a reserve of couples or married individuals. The mere fact that the youth are having sex before they should/will never make it right.