LIFESTYLE: Men don't give for free - Counselor Adofoli

Men don't give things for free. Yes boys give money, gifts in exchange for sex. This is not a hidden secret, women know and sing this chorus but still fall for it. However it is only a father who gives to his girls or daughters without expecting anything in return because that is his responsibility.

The only reason a boy or any man will ask you for sexual favour in return for gifts or money is because they are not responsible for you. You are not his responsibility, you don't bear his name.

Have you asked yourself why the husband changes the wife's name when he married her. He gives her his name because he is responsible for her. Again he did that by going to the one who was previously responsible for the woman, which is her father, to take over from him.

Common sense is such a powerful tool and everyone is blessed with that but not everyone makes use of it. Common sense should tell you that being in a relationship does not mean you are married. It does not mean they are responsible for you.

Dating someone does not mean you are married. Why give what belongs to a husband to a boyfriend because he claims he loves you and will marry you? Who says if you don't sleep with boyfriends you won't get a husband? Some ladies are just fools and act foolishly. Some are so desperate and don't know the difference between right and wrong.

If you are not married to him, but agreed to have sex with him because you believe he will marry you or that if you don't do it he will leave you, please don't cry foul if he leaves or didn't marry you. Sex is not marriage, having that with him will not keep him or force him to get married to you.

Common sense should tell you there is no commitment between you two. It does not even matter if you know every member of his family or he knows yours. It doesn't matter if he has come to see your family or come for an engagement list or done knocking. He is still not married to you.

If he wants to spend on you, educate you, get you a business, rent for you, give you a job, get you a phone, tell him "I am not married to you and for that matter I won't play the role of a wife, I won't have sex with you". If he stills want to do those things for you, let him know that in case you don't marry him in the future, will he be okay with that?

Maybe he wasn't thinking right and your questions will help him. But don't go on and sleep with him and cry foul later. Some of these ladies do all sorts of nasty things with these guys in secrets, hide it because they know they are doing something wrong and when the relationship ends, they cry foul in public.

It does not matter how he acts around you, if he wants to cry because you refused him sex, let him cry. He is just a boy, when he grows up, he will understand and respect you. If he complains of ‘blue balls’, tell him to see a doctor, by the way ‘blue ball’ does not kill. Don’t let him convince you that he just wants to brush and will not enter, or you should help him ejaculate. If he can’t help himself, you should not fall for such tricks. All those who falls for that end up as a victim. Wise up!

If he gets angry, let him be, he is not matured; when he matures he will respect you. If he goes around soliciting your friends and family's help to change your position, let them know if they love you and want what is best for you, they should respect your decision, for at the end of the day, it is your marriage and not theirs.

It doesn't matter if you made mistakes sleeping with others in the past in the name of relationship or love and still doing it now. It is time to ask yourself, what it will cost you to do the right thing?

How do you value yourself? As a sex toy for a man who has fun or plays with you, or as wife who is his life partner whom he loves and respects? To him are you a girl he will leave one day for a woman because the girl doesn't know right from wrong, or a woman he wants to live the rest of his life with because she knows what is right.

Which are you prepare to stand for? My advice to you is to stand for what is right even if all people speak against you.

In conclusion, "God blesses those people who are treated badly for doing right. They belong to the kingdom of heaven. God will bless you when people insult you, mistreat you, and tell all kinds of evil lies about you because of me. Be happy and excited! You will have a great reward in heaven. People did these same things to the prophets who lived long ago" - Matthew 5:10-12 (CEV).

Please share with your friends, someone out there needs this.

For counseling, feedback, to sponsor this broadcast or to invite me for speaking engagement, call or WhatsApp +233206774279.