Why couples look for common grounds in relationships - Counselor Ogochwuku

Most times in relationships, we look for common grounds: Areas where we think alike, things we enjoy together.

Similar lifestyles, same football team, same church, same ethnic group, same city, same profession, et al But for me, what makes us stronger in relationships is our differences.

The fact that we are able to build a common ground through respect for our differences, by empathising with and supporting each other, and being part of each other's lives in spite of differences is one of the secrets of all thriving relationships.

There will be times of clashes, rhythm off beats and other issues that look like offences or crisis - but the fact that the people are able to make adjustments and see the relationship as the focus and not just the need, keeps them going.

The focus must always be the relationship and not the offence we desire to heal from.

Sometimes we (we all) allow the pain we want to heal from becoming more important than the relationship we ought to be sustaining and preserving. This is why we get angry and frustrated about a lot of things going wrong with our relationships (albeit repairable), and allow those anomalies to make us bitter.

This is not to say that it's not important to count the cost of being in a particular relationship before deciding to go into it. We must all work hard to understand the implications of being in a relationship with a particular person, then consider whether or not the sacrifice we need to make in order to sustain it is worth it.

And when you meet that person to whom you can say "I would rather have you in my life with all your troubles, than not have you in my life at all", you have found love and love has found you.