I dated him for three years. The day he walked to me and said he wanted to be my boyfriend, I looked at him from down to the toe and what my intuition said to me was, “He’s a time-waster. Don’t mind him.” I told him, “I’m not ready to date because I just came out of a bad one recently.” He said, “Someone looked at a beautiful girl like you and broke your heart? How could some men be this heartless?” I said, “Yeah, I did everything for him. I gave him my all but it looks like my all wasn’t enough so he went in for another one.” He looked deep into my eyes and said, “Let him go. He’s a loser. Give me a chance to prove to you how sweet love can be. I would be real to you and I will never make you cry.”

His words came to me as the lyrics of my favorite love song. Though I didn’t like his personality. I kept him around as a friend. Four weeks later, he had swept me off my feet and I had no option than to accept him as my boyfriend. One day when he asked me, “So won’t you let the memory of that old loser go so we can fill it with new great memories?” I looked at him, smiled girlishly, and said, “I like the way you swing words together. It shouldn’t get to me but unfortunately, it’s working.” He asked, “So are you going to say yes to me?” I said, “Yes I’m going to say yes to you hoping you’ll be as sweet as you claim.”

He answered, “Just watch me.”

So for three years, I stayed with him and watched his every move. Unfortunately, it couldn’t work out but the three years I spent with him, I wasn’t a spectator in his life. I formed part of his life so I believe I know him better than anyone could. That’s why I’m going to tell you these three things about him.

First, He’s very stingy but you wouldn’t know until you’ve accepted his proposal. Before I said yes to him, where didn’t we go? What fancy restaurant this guy didn’t take me to? He’ll call every evening asking about my day. If I told him I had a great day, he’ll say, “What if we make it even greater?” We’ll schedule a date and in the next one hour, we’ll be at a place where all we could do is have fun. He didn’t care how much the food cost or how much the drink cost. If I told him I had a bad day, he’ll say, “Awww, a girl like you shouldn’t go to bed with a bad day hanging over your head. Let’s switch the mood before the morning comes.” Again, he’ll come for me and take me to places where indeed the mood would be switched.

Because of him, I know a lot of restaurants where good foods are served. I know about four different massage parlor, I know where good music is played every Friday night and I know a place where the wind can simply blow all your sorrows away.

All changed the very next day that I accepted his proposal. It got worse when I allowed him to sleep with me. He no longer asked about my day and he no longer took me to those places he once did. When I told him I had a bad day, he’ll say, “Life is like that. It’s not all roses and fragrances. Sometimes the thongs come along and make things worse but it’s alright.” So if you haven’t accepted his proposal and he’s taking you to beautiful places please enjoy while you can because things would run dry immediately after you accept his proposal.

Secondly, he’s a charmer. He’s so good with words but his words and his actions are far apart. He could take you to hell and still convince you that the hell you’re in is actually heaven. Our relationship got bad just after a year. He wouldn’t pick my calls and wouldn’t let me complain. Anytime I complain he would say, “You’re lucky I even pick sometimes. Some women don’t get to talk to their boyfriends for a whole week but they are fine.” I fell sick and was home for a whole week but I never saw him. I told him when I got admitted but he never came around. When I was discharged, I told him but he never came around. When I complained he said, “There are so many days ahead and you’ll fall sick again. If I didn’t come this once because I was busy, I would be by your side the next time. Just think ahead” He’ll do you wrong and cover the cracks with his words.

Thirdly, When his alarm goes off at 4am, remember even if you’re dead, you’ll have to wake up and prepare to leave. You won’t see daylight in his house when you spend a night with him. For the three years that I dated him, whenever I spent the night with him, I had to wake up at exactly 4am and leave the house. His excuses were, “When my landlord sees that you slept here, he’ll increase my water and electricity bill.” Another time he said, “It’s part of my tenancy agreement that I am single so I don’t have to live in this room with anyone. If the landlord finds out, he can even increase my rent charges.” All those things didn’t make sense but because of the love I had for him, I listened to him. Because of him, I hate John Legend’s All of You song. That was his alarm tone.

He’ll never drive you home or come for you again when you accept his proposal. He came for me from my house each night and day when we had to go out. When our date was over, he’ll drive me home, hold my hand and say, “Good night. See you tomorrow.” It was always like that until I accepted his proposal. My neighbors came to call me immediately they saw the red pickup. At some point, one of my neighbors asked me, “Are you still seeing that red pickup guy? He doesn’t come around again.” He never came around again because each time I had to see him, I had to negotiate my own transport and find my way to him. I’m not saying I was expecting him to come for me till forever but I also didn’t expect him to stop picking me up and bringing me home until the end of our relationship.


But hey, the sex was always good. He knows how to move your soul out of your skin and make you quiver out of excitement. Maybe, that’s why I stayed for so long even when I suspected that he was cheating on me. Anytime I wanted to leave, I thought about those moments and stayed. He knew it so when it got to that time, he always gave up his best. When I finally left him, I missed that and many times I wanted to run to him and get it but that tiny voice in my head kept saying, “Go and break your waist for a guy who doesn’t care for you. I’m here waiting.” I’m telling you this so you know the one weapon he’ll use to keep you around.

If you go to his house and you see any blue sweater hanging around, please that sweater is mine. It’s the only thing I left there when I finally left the relationship. He used it as a trap. He always asked me to come for it but I knew his intentions. I never went and to date whenever we talk, he asks me, ”When are you coming for your sweater?” I tell him, “I’m over that sweater just like I’m over you.”

Whatever good things you’re going through with my ex because you haven’t accepted his proposal just yet, I’m here to tell you that it would be over the day you say yes to him. Don’t move around with him insulting his ex and asking why a woman would leave such a man. Wait until you spend a year with him before you judge us. Until then, I wish you good luck.

—Jane