The secret to long lasting marriage

Marriage is a life fulfilment adventure depending on how you go about it. It is the desire of any person who marries to enjoy and achieve a fulfilling life through his or her marriage. The problem is; we focus on our expectations from the other partner without considering the fact that we are humans and imperfect beings.

This article features Major (RTD) and Mrs. Emmanuel Philip Kofi Aning who shared their Forty-Six (46) years marriage life experience when GMC Marriage Club founded by Counsellor Benjamin Effah Werehene (The best Counsellor for Central Region of Ghana) had an end of year Get-together at Babevan Lodge in Assin Foso. GMC Marriage Club is a Relationship/Marriage Association comprising of Singles Club and Marriage Club in Assin Foso. It is aimed at educating Singles and Married couples on key life and marriage issues to build the youth preparing to enter marriage and also serve as Post-Marital Counseling for married couples, widows, widowers and divorcees. Its main branch is in Assin Foso, and have Takoradi and Winneba Chapters established. You may join from wherever you are to learn and improve your relationship/marriage life by WhatsApping or calling +233-24-371-1190 for a briefing. Maj. (RTD) E.P.K. Anning explained what has been the secret to their 46 years marriage by outlining the following: Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

Choose your life partner carefully:

The foundation of every marriage is dependent on the kind of person you choose as your spouse. If you choose wrongly, you may either endure for the rest of your life or divorce along the way. When choosing a life partner, you shouldn’t focus mainly on beauty and wealth because they fade over time. Your main focus should be on the character of the partner and the extent to which he or she fears the Lord (if he or she is a believer). Consider also, his or her vision; if he or she is visionless, the character may be good but can cause you to struggle financially and socially since he or she lacks a vision that can keep the family going and growing.

The God factor:

If you are a believer (Christian), you cannot do away with God in sustaining your marriage. God is the originator of marriage (Genesis 2:18-24 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-10) and whatever concerns marriage is inscribed in the Holy Bible as a guide to a successful marriage. Married couples need to depend on God when things are going well and when things are bad in the marriage. Often times, married couples consult God only when situation in the marriage has gone to the worse point. God is not only there to solve problems; He is there also to guide and inspire your marriage. Pray to God together daily as married couples; devote and share the word of God together. Depend on God as your source of help and guide to sustain the marriage.

Independency:

Although when we marry, the whole family is involved (according to African custom); you cannot rely or depend on your extended family for everything. The extended family is there to support you in a way; but depending on the kind of family you join; it is difficult to get help from families when things are tough in the marriage. It is during tough times that you will know the actual source of help (as most families and friends turn their back on you when you need them most). Desertion by relatives and colleagues is prevalent during tough times in marriage. It is therefore very important to learn to depend on each other for inspiration, help and encouragement during tough times; save or make investments that can serve as your source of help when things get tough in the marriage financially.

Forgiveness:

To err is human but to forgive is divine. This is a popular saying, but do we really understand it in the context of marriage? There are individual differences from couples because they are coming from different families with different beliefs and culture. When you read Amos 3:3, it says “can two people walk together, no unless they agree”.

For peace to prevail in marriage, mutuality to everything is a requirement. When there are individual differences in thinking, reaction and understanding in marriage and mutual understanding is required, offence or misunderstanding is a definite thing to occur. This means, regardless of the number of times offence is committed in marriage, forgiveness is required to keep the marriage going. You can’t harbor grudges in marriage and still enjoy your marriage. If you don’t forgive when your partner offends you, bitterness will occupy your heart and force love for your partner out of you and you know what will follow (divorce). As often as you forgive your partner, the marriage is kept alive and sustained.

Effective Communication:

Effective is the Bedrock of every successful marriage. Communication is a priority in marriage; a marriage without effective communication never flourishes. Effective communication means we should be mindful of how we treat our partner with our vocabs, actions and body language. We may have grievances and need to communicate them to our partner; there is no problem with it. The most important thing about it is how and when we express our grievances; carefully choose the time and method to convey your grievances. Also have enough time to talk and discuss every issue in the marriage. When communication gap is developed, effective communication becomes null and void in the marriage and the marriage starts to lose its ground.

Tolerance and Endurance:

Since human beings are imperfect beings, weaknesses are part of everyone’s life. Individual differences emanating from several encounters and family backgrounds (as discussed above), requires us to be tolerant in our marriage. It is not everything that your spouse will do that you will be comfortable; he or she has weaknesses just as you are, therefore we need to develop an attitude of tolerance. Also, there are thinking and reaction differences between men and women.

A research carried out revealed that women speak 20,000 words in a day, compared to 7,000 words a day for men (source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2281891/Women-really-talk-men-13-000-words-day-precise.html), a difference of 13, 000 words a day. It is something you can’t do anything about; you only need to understand and endure as a man. Challenges are also part of marriage, when they surface in the marriage, the couple needs to stick together and fight their way through; they need to endure till they find solution to the challenge. Blame games should be kicked out of the marriage during challenges, if the couple want the marriage to continue and flourish. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.