Lifestyle: Is the secretary or house help a second wife?

Growing up I called them secretaries, but now the word secretaryhas become a thing of the past.

Now, PA (Personal Assistant) is the word used by most bosses but I prefer to call them secretaries.

Just walk into an office and call a lady seated next to the boss’s office a secretary and if God is not on your side, she will give you a look which will immediately send you to your grave.

The name PAhas been widely accepted by all especially my fellow female secretaries since they see it as more sophisticated and polished.

Unfortunately, some secretaries have assumed the role of second wives since they have been given so much authority that they forget that they are just employees.

Interestingly, some secretaries are made to prepare lunch from their homes for their bosses at work, others are sent to pay utility bills whiles others aresent to pay school fees.

I have witnessed an instance where a secretary got so much involved in almost every activity of her boss that, she started calling him at odd hours and often visited him at home unannounced without any shame.

Some secretaries have also become the mouth piece of their bosses, saying almost everything including feeding their boss’s wives with unnecessary and untrue information which often results in the collapse of most marriages.

Madam Secretary, bear in mind that you are no good unless you are a good assistant; and if youthink you are,start your own business. Simple.

It is often shameful to see a secretary in her late thirties,gradually crawling into her forties and bragging about some other woman’s husband because she has become her boss’s second wife in the office.

Sadly, such ladies forget they are aging and when it is time for their bosses to go on pension, they are left with an empty sorrowful life.

A piece of advice to the wives, be mindful of those secretaries who get too close for comfort and want to know everything that happens in your home rather than concentrate on office business.

Also to my loyal, dedicated, hardworking and decent secretaries, continue your good work and mind your own business.

The story is the same when it comes to maidservants or house helps.

I do not know how you may want to call them; whether maidservants or house helps but some of these ladies have become maid mistresses in many homes all because of one thing: They have been given the chance to practice as mistresses.

It has been said repeatedly that wives should never leave everything which has to be done at home to house helps to accomplish. Simply because by doing so, you may unknowingly be grooming her to slowly become themistress of the home.

Note that every lady has something unique about herself. It could be in her cooking, bedroom skills, washing skills, how she smells, how she talks or smiles or even how she dresses. It could be any of the aforementioned qualities which drew your husband’s attention to you (wife); so madam do not lose guard.

My piece of advice is, do not show your house help that unique thing because she can or will use it against you some day.

I am not saying do not groom your house help but you should know how to do so without tying the rope around your own neck.

Mind you, your house help has the same anatomical features like you. The only difference between you two is that she is your house help.

Look here madam! If you are unlucky,massa no go know say she bi house help ooyoo. I no dey joke. My Nigerian friend Tonyeri will say.

For some men, every water is water forget about the container. Iam talking in proverbs. Hope you understand?

Anytime I hear a woman lamenting that her house help has snatched her husband from her, I laugh.

Do you know the reason, it’s because if you are two women renderingservices to aman who is not your relative but only marriedto you for marrying sake, you should know that the man would be expecting both of you to perform and perform equally. Case closed!

I have this strong feeling that someone would say foolish talk, silly girl. How can a house help be compared to her madam? But my dear reader, unfortunately it’s the painful truth because both of you have the same machine.

I am not putting all men in the same box but a man will forever remain a man.

We have some very decent men but some also have big question marks.

This is just a humble advice but if you think my mind is fullof dust, that is your opinion.

Remember men love the attention, loveto be pampered,want to feel wanted and not needed.

Men want women who are independent, have their own desires, goals and plans how to achieve them. They like a woman who can accomplish her goals on her own.

Wives,do not put others before your husband. God designed companionship in marriage so a husband and wife can meet one another’s needs. He even said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone.”

So what happens when you put your mother, a friend, or even a child before your spouse? Actually, you take a step (often unintentional) towards isolation in your marriage.

If you choose, for example, to spend an afternoon shopping with your friend who is having a birthday party, or a friend who is preparing to get married over preparing the soup your husband asked for, then what are you implying?

You leave your husband feeling that he has a second place in your heart and will gradually start warming up to your house help.

You go on lazing about in the house, dragging your feet in your bathroom slippers and morning gown or nightie as if you are carrying triplets and by the time you realize, your husband is having a cozy time with your house help.

Such moments between house helps and their masters often happens during the day when madam is at work and master pops home briefly either for lunch or for time with second madam.

But the question is na who cause am?

Remember that in these difficult times where money and comfort has eaten into the minds of most people, do not expect a young girl from the village to come into the city and work just like she did in the village.

Note that she also has a family back in the village and came to the city to seek greener pastures and not to continue working like a slave.

Her family prayed for her and wished her luck and therefore expect a lot from her.

If you lazily delegate the maid to be washing your husbands panties which contains your valuables you will soon hear the praises that would be showered on her for washing the pantiescleaner than you.

If you lazily keep on mandating your house help to be dressing the bed on which you and your husband sleep, mind you, the maid would be reading the droplets of designs on it and know the exact spot you slept for her to sleep on one very bad day.

Madam ensure you always cook for your husband as often as you can instead of occasionally or else your house help who does the cooking most of the time will start receiving praises from daddy for cooking that mealvery well and bythe time you realize,your husband would be comparing good cooks.

Sorry my dear but that’s the painful truth.

I am not scaring wives with my statements but all I am saying is that,house helps should be assigned to some domestic chores but everything should not be completely left for them to do.

One strategy most lazy women adopt which usually puts off their husbandsis by maltreating the house help.

Poor you madam but that is a bad strategy. If youdo that, you rather fan the affection of your husband for that poor village girl, who would resort to secret sympathetic approaches from your husband.

I heard of a story where a house help wasimpregnated, then the man’s wife wanted the belly deflated and the poor girl sacked.

Unfortunately the young lady’s family stood like a pillar behind her and insisted that if she is fit to be impregnated then she is equally fit to be married.

Now to the men, why would you start sleeping with your secretary or house help just because you claim your wife has gained weight after child birth.

In the first place who got her pregnant? Is that the reward she gets for giving you children?

Do not forget that, the other woman whom you are so obsessed about will also change after a baby or two and what will you do next?

Please show women some respect because they deserve it. Keeping a home is not an easy task.

As I conclude, I want to ask this simple question, is the wife not fit for all the corporate hangouts and all the mini trips?

To all my readers especially the married ones try not to be caught in this unpleasant situation.

Act like a wife before a fortune hunter secretary or a determined house help takes over.