LIFESTYLE: Why people can't get over their abusive ex

Abusers are usually good manipulators. They work their way into forming a wedge between you and other important people in your life.

A dependency on them is formed, and the more you “rationalize” (makeup excuses) and explain away their actions the more you become accustomed to the change.

Abusive relationships are also a combination of extreme highs and lows. You’re crushed by their actions one moment and riding the high when things are “good” the next. The thing is, the highs are all illusion.

It’s your brain playing a trick on you. Good times have to be considered “extra” good to rational taking the abuse and staying with them.

When you break up, you separate yourself from this person you had such a dependency for, and the void brings confusion and often depression. Now you associate your loneliness with your separation.

You remember feeling better, at a time when you were with the ex, and once again you start focusing on.

The same can be said when you date someone new who isn’t abusive, yet you still find yourself missing the ex. They’re nice and you have good times, but you don’t register those good times as being equal to the extreme highs from the abusive relationship because you don’t have to balance the good with abusive bad that is now absent in your life.

It can create an abusive loop of an unhealthy on and off relationship with someone completely terrible for you. The first step in recognizing the good wasn’t that good, and the bad was more often than you choose to remember.

CAUSES

I’d have to say that, at times, having low or no self-esteem which most probably started way before you ever met this person. You’re also probably attracted to people who bring you down.

The only way to get over an ex like that is to break it off completely.

Get yourself some help so you can uplift yourself and realize that you deserve a good life that you’re a good person and that you don’t deserve to be treated badly.