Creation Story, Ghana style

In The Beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female He created them.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with kontomire, spinach, garden eggs, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And so the Devil created the kenkey seller. And she brought forth the ga kenkey. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fish with that?" And Man said, "No, an extra ball will do" And Man gained five pounds.

And so God created the healthful Cassava, that Woman might keep her figure.

But the Devil converted it to LAPIWA. And Woman gained five pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh corn." And the Devil converted it to BANKU. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "Why dost thou eat thus? I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and palm oil with which to cook them."

But the Devil brought forth FUFU so big it needed a special plate. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And so God brought forth running shoes. And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And so God brought forth plantain, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and spiced it to KELEWELE and deep-fat fried them. Then the Devil created groundnuts.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the KELEWELE swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And the Devil created Korle-bu, so the surgery would not take place.

So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created BUBRA so Man could poison his body, while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another 10 pounds.

And Woman ventured forth into the land of constant lapiwa, and upon returning asked Man, "Do I look fat?"

And the Devil said, "Always tell them the truth." And Man did.

And Woman went out from the presence of Man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."