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Feature Article of Friday, 5 October 2012

Columnist: Gariba, Chieminah Abudu

My Girl Friend's Secret Letter On Political Campaign Strategy

Dearie, My darling Nibisi, I haven't heard from you for a while. I hope you are doing well. How are you faring on the political campaign trail? How I wished you stopped playing this game. You know I don't like the game of politics. There are a number of reasons why I don't like the game of politics. The major one is the fact that it resembles the one that we women play.

Well, dearie, since you have made up your mind to play the game I cannot but help you to succeed by teaching you how to play and win. As my boyfriend I wish to share with you in this secret letter the winning strategies for political victory. Find below some of the strategies:

SWEET TALK YOUR WAY UP: As a woman the role of words in sustaining my love for you cannot be overemphasized. I have often cherished the sweet words you use to describe me and what you wish to do for me in future. These sweet words give me HOPE and this is all I need. As I lie down or walk about I picture all the promises and what they mean to me. Dearie, this is a winning strategy in politics. Human beings by nature expect to hear nice things from people they want to entrust with power, love or resources. If you want to endear your heart to the electorate you MUST find a way of 'sweet talking' the electorate into voting for you. This strategy works in the women's game and it works in politics.

BE TOUGH AND ROUGH: I am compelled to reveal to you why I fell in love with you. Your rough way of doing certain things attracted me to you. Do you know why the rough guys keep getting all the good girls? It's because they know how to attract the girls with their rough side. Girls by nature are 'soft'. This soft nature of girls endears them to boys who are rough. As the saying goes, 'Opposites attract.' One may argue that the average voter is weak; and needs somebody strong to lead him or represent him. In your campaigns try and project this rough side of you in a polished way. COMPARE AND CONTRAST: Do you remember how you kept me hooked to you by telling me that you are the best among men? Use this strategy in your campaign. I want to be associated with the best, dear. This is probably the reason why I am writing you this letter to offer you some advice.

EMBARASS YOUR RIVAL: Dearie, I still remember how you made your rival foolish before me. After exposing your rival so badly before me, it never crossed my mind to consider your rival as a boyfriend. Dearie, this strategy is crude, unfair and sometimes unethical. Well, who told you that politics is a fair game? It's not. So, don't expect it to be. If you can gather information on your rival and expose him badly you will win.

USE MONEY AND RESOURCES: I like it when you shower me with gifts. When I am with my girlfriends we talk all the time about money and men. You will lose me if you neglect me. I have needs. If you don't satisfy them and somebody else comes along I will just follow him. Money and Politics, just like money and women, are inseparable. Money is like nectar to women. In politics, money is the magnet of votes.

FAKE LOVE AND CARE IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT: Your show of love for me is great. Whether your love and care for me is genuine or not, I cherish it nonetheless. In politics you cannot afford not to show love and care for the electorate. Even if you don't have it for real, go on and fake it for votes. THROW SOME MUD AND DISCREDIT YOUR RIVAL: Dearie, do you know that you still remind me of the bad habits of your rival? Use this strategy with great skill in your campaign strategy.

LIE: Anytime you are caught in a difficult situation with me you lie to patch up. Lying is part of the game. Anytime you are caught in a lie and you deny it you make me feel good. It fascinates human beings when men lie to achieve their aims and lie about it.

PREACH OR SAY MORE OF WHAT IS FIERCELY RESISTED BY YOUR RIVAL: Sometimes women resist fiercely the demand for sex yet the act is intensely enjoyed. Whatever policies your political opponent resists with passion, those policies you should focus more attention on during your campaign on.

POLITICS IS NOT A FAIR GAME; IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE THE GAME IS OVER FOR YOU: This game is not fair. This is the way it's been played for centuries. Don't try to change the rules because you will not succeed.

Written by: Chieminah Abudu Gariba

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