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Opinions of Sunday, 9 August 2009

Columnist: MP

Sex Before Or After Marriage?

The task of raising up a child in today's world, could be very difficult. The children could be so demanding. And the parents, don't often have the time nor the energy to fulfill all these demands, yet they do try nonetheless. Some parents are working around the clock, to put bread and water on table.And others, are just simply doing all that they can, to protect their children from straying. As a parent, you invest all that you've got in your children's future. With the hope that, one day they would recognize your effort and show gratitude. You advise them to take their education seriously, and so on and so forth. Some times when they don't listen, you spank them a bit to get the message across. I don't necessary condone the spanking of a child though, but if it works for you, then fine.

As a parent, you dream of a golden life for your children. But that dream could turn into an unexpected nightmare. Especially, when your sixteen years old daughter tells you, that she is pregnant. For a moment, you look at her in disbelief. And say to yourself that, this cannot be happening. What do you mean that you are pregnant, and with whom, you ask? Of course, she is your daughter, your pride and joy, your baby girl, but this?

You ask her to repeat herself. As if you didn't hear her the first time around. And like before, she tells you Daddy, I'm pregnant. Now all of the sudden, you hear it loud and clear. The truth in all its un-glory. There goes your dream of her having that perfect life, which her mother wished for, but never had. You ask her, what about your education? Do you want to throw it all away? She replies and says that, she doesn't even know. Even though you don't believe in abortion. But in that very moment as her father, you start thinking about it. The thought of her aborting her unborn child, isn't what you want as her parent, but damn it. She was doing so well at school, her future was so bright, her teachers were so proud of her, and now this.

So as her parent you ask yourself, where exactly did you go wrong? You start your own soul searching to find out, what your shortcomings were in her upbringing, if any. Well, you knew that she was seeing someone, but not that little fellow. He is far too young. He cannot possibly be the father, or can he? By the way, he came to help her do her homework, right? And besides, kids are not supposed to have sex. At least not my daughter. She is only sixteen for crying out loud. You know damn well that, sixteen years old girls could get pregnant. Why? Because you have heard and read about it. The Oprah Winfrey show, might have exposed the reality of this possibility. But you don't expect it from your own daughter, do you? If only you could turn back the time, to when she was just a little girl. If only you could, but there is no turning back now. The damage is utterly done.

O boy, how could the world be so cruel to an old man's dream? You ask yourself, as you stare at your own reflection in the mirror. Somewhat dazed, half puzzled and confused. If only you could go to sleep and dream again.

Now here comes the ever present question of: How did I fail her or indeed myself, by not telling her to save her virginity for marriage? Because really as a parent, what do you tell your child, not to have sex before or after marriage?