What can men learn from lesbians about sex?

Most human beings love sex. We cannot deny our animal nature regardless of how advanced a species we are, and for a long time I would not admit this even to myself. My perspective was heavily fogged by religion-induced guilt and societal condemnation. Thank goodness my rebellious temperament is more persistent.

Reading extensively about love and tantric spirituality led me to some ground-breaking discoveries about female orgasms. As a result, through experimentation and perfect chemistry, my soul melted into another’s and I had my most torrential climax complete with a trip to outer-space and absolutely no control over my mind and body. Nothing feels greater and lighter. Unfortunately, many women do not know what that is like because for them sex is a chore: cook, clean, tend to children, give man his sex when he wants it, and go to sleep. It’s a huge tragedy worthy of an intervention.

In spite of what it has been reduced to by society, primarily as a tool to subjugate women, sex is pretty fantastic. It allows a person to communicate with the object of her/his affection, to say all the things that words fail to communicate. For heterosexuals, sometimes the highlight includes the creation of a new person as a manifestation of love and legacy. Even the pious among us who decided to wait until marriage can attest that it was the best wait of their lives (provided the conditions are favourable). This is why it troubles me that sex is so male-centric and most women simply make do with ‘average,’ or even bad sex, when they are worthy of so much more.

Invest time in learning and the journey to pleasure

In comparison to straight and bisexual women, lesbian women are on record as the most likely to reach orgasm. The reason why is complex yet simple; it is a matter of exploration, trust and giving the lead. They have an added advantage by virtue of their own self-knowledge as women.

It is not that basic though; what works for one person won’t always work for another. The trick is that most lesbians are patient learners and they savour the journey to pleasure. They have a say in how sex happens as opposed to the millions of women who just lie on their backs and wait till it is over. Seduction, soft caresses and attention to all the senses are essential ingredients for the big O.

Before I get carried away with my praises I must acknowledge that there are men who have mastered the art of sex. Men who take their women on metaphorical trips to outer space. They are generous lovers and a mere touch of their hand makes a woman quiver. Alas, while gentlemen genuinely aim to please, the less enlightened among these men use their knowledge to guarantee themselves a chance to ‘hit that’ again (because a great lay is so rare for the female population). In all fairness the trickery and game-playing applies to both men and women. That said, by comparison lesbians still give women more climaxes than men do.

There is more pleasure in reciprocity

Once upon a time satisfying a woman was central to the education men got in preparation for marriage, but this is no more. I once had the misfortune of listening to a man who enjoyed narrating his carnal exploits raging about his wife to his friends. The wife had attempted to ‘suck on his lollipop’ and make him ‘dip for oysters’ in return. Appalled, he suspected her of cheating on him because; “where the hell did she learn that and only freaks do such things.” I was shocked. What he missed was that she was trying to do something nice for him so that he could follow suit.

My unwillingness to compromise on the level of quality and fulfilment I experience during intimacy makes it easy for me to speak freely about my preferences. Sadly, conversations between couples on how to maximise pleasure are virtually unheard of in my part of the world, so some women resort to dropping not-so-discreet hints. Clearly even those can go horribly wrong. But research shows that the benefits of great sex are limitless. Besides making you more relaxed and adding a bounce to your step, couples who are consistent in their communication and free to explore sexually have more fulfilled lives. Yet most straight women are mostly expected to just give the man sex when and how he wants it. Simple! Gay women on the other hand know that great sex is only possible when both parties’ needs are met. Their relationship is more symbiotic and empathic, a trait that more straight males can borrow.