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Opinions of Saturday, 31 August 2019

Columnist: Graphic.com.gh

Do you appreciate your lover?

A relationship is the most difficult work in the world. It is about two people with different sexualities and backgrounds supporting each other and sharing a life for life.
One easy way to encourage your lover in this difficult journey is to show appreciation and express admiration and approval for what your lover does for you.

Importance of appreciation

Everyone needs appreciation in a relationship to feel his or her efforts are acknowledged and not taken for granted. Appreciation makes you feel valued and important, special, cherished and loved.

You are motivated to give more to your lover who in turn is empowered to give back to you more love and attention.

When both partners show appreciation to each other, great things happen. Your mood improves. Good times, good memories and joy become a common place in your relationship. Disappointments, tension and rage become less and less frequent. You never make divorce or separation an option.

A sense of gratitude is, therefore, one of the most effective ways to build your relationship. On the other hand, nothing good comes into your relationship without appreciation.

Unfortunately, many partners tend to take their partners for granted and see whatever they do as normal and expected. For example, if a man gives ‘chop money’ and the woman cooks, both partners find the actions as expected and, therefore, won’t comment on it.

The fact, however, is that if you do not show appreciation for your lover, you are tempted to focus on his or her weaknesses and what goes wrong in your relationship. Small issues get blown up in your mind and the temptation to give in is strong.

You bread down your relationship instead of building it. Lack of appreciation is the fastest way to kill your relationship. No doubt studies show many relationships fail for lack of appreciation.

How to show appreciation

Show appreciation by your kind words: Simple words such as ‘I love you; you have been so good to me; I am happy I found you; thinking of you; what would I do without you in my life?; thank you for your love and support; I will forever be grateful to you; your thoughtfulness will always be remembered…’ have profound positive effect on our lovers.

Words have psychic energy and your kind words bless your lover who in turn reacts more kindly to you. Therefore, verbalise your appreciation. Tell your friends and relatives how good your lover has been to you. He or she will hear it and do more for you.

Write very often to your lover to thank him or her for everything he or she does for you. Choose your words carefully and wisely but mean what you say. You may add some cartoons and romantic songs.

By writing out your feelings, you inspire yourself and your lover. You may also use social media to talk about the good things your lover does for you. Appreciate however that saying something is powerful but transitory. Therefore, verbalise your appreciation all the time for the good things your lover does for you, big or small.

Hug and touch often: Physical touch is an asset for calming anxiety, transferring courage, reassurance, alleviating stress, depression and blood pressure. It improves emotional and physical health. A tender touch while your lover is doing ordinary tasks such as reading or cooking communicates loving messages that speak more than words can and sustains relationships long term.

Send gifts often: They are signs of love and goodwill. Giving increases your intimacy because if you give your lover feels loved, accepted and valued and is more likely to treat you in similar ways. Therefore, let your gifts be regular. Don’t wait for festive occasions to send gifts. Be spontaneous in your giving but your gifts need not be expensive. It is the idea that is important.

Celebrate your relationship: Anything unrecognised remains uncelebrated and anything uncelebrated exits your life. Celebrating your relationship makes it grow in health and fulfilment.

Go out often, even if for a walk or drink. Invite friends and relations for a meal or drink. Studies show that relationships celebrated often grow in health.

Do you show appreciation for your lover?

Your relationship is the best agent in enriching your life. Take time and show your lover who makes your life richer how much you appreciate everything he or she does for you.

Happy lovers always have a sense of appreciation. Appreciation warms your heart to love. It warms your lover’s heart to be loved and to give you more love. Without it your heart will be too cold to love and you can’t build your relationship. Appreciation, therefore, builds your heart to give and receive love.

Focus on the good things in your lover every day and find something good that your lover does. If you see your lover as good, you will find many things he does as good.

Show appreciation for your lover for all the small and big things he or she does because it leads to other virtues which make you commit to each other. You will be happier in your relationship just by showing appreciation.