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Opinions of Friday, 4 January 2019

Columnist: Rev. Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo

Lifestyle: Stubbornness in our relationships and marriages

Rev. Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo Rev. Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo

When a partner is stubborn in a relationship or marriage, it is a sure sign that the person is losing his or her love, affection, respect, tenderness, kindness, and desire to promote the progress of the relationship, and welfare of the other partner.

Developing or growing stubbornness normally shows in the way that the person suddenly turns defiant and is no more yielding to any advice, concerns, or needs of yours.

The person becomes uncooperative, refuses to think and act according to reason, and becomes repeatedly rebellious and continually disobedient in small and as well as big matters.

The one then becomes very resistant to any important changes or necessary adjustments in the relationship.

When your desire to become committed to your partner begins to erode, you find it difficult to say and do things that make your mate happy or move forward towards success in life. Obedience then becomes a hard task to fulfill or gladly conform to.

Stubbornness Could Usually Result From:

1) Poor background training, and bad parenting.

2) Personal character of defiance and domination of self-will.

3) Abuses, control, denials, bad experiences, and hardships of the past, especially at home, that create a character of callousness and refusal to yield to other people’s opinions, comfort, and needs.

4) Childhood abandonment with no leadership and care, and no place to call your home.

5) Wrong advice, erroneous teaching, and bad suggestions from others.

6) Bad company and evil friendships.

7) Negative media influences and propaganda of rebellion against authority of any kind.

8) Wrong or poor interpretation and understanding of true independence, and the development or use of leadership qualities.

9) Spirit of opportunism and selfishness that look out only for personal interests.

10) Mindset and spirit of disrespect for your friend or partner.

11) Lack of real love and acceptance of the person you are stubborn to.

12) Misunderstanding of gender differences and preferences, which can make a man or woman stubborn and unyielding to the other gender.

13) Bad influence of a particular religion, culture, or tradition.

14) Neglecting or refusing to meet the important needs and daily necessities of the other partner.

15) Helping and paying more attention to relatives, friends, and outsiders than your spouse and children.

16) Neglect or refusal to perform domestic and other important duties in your marriage or relationship.

17) Driven by specific irresistible passions and desires, and lack of self-control.

18) Ulterior motives and pretense or deception in relating to, or marrying the particular person.

19) Harsh, impatient, or unloving and inconsiderate manner in which you scold, correct, or treat the person, especially when the one makes a slight mistake or exhibits a weakness.

20) No real relationship or poor relationship with God, and therefore the fear of God is low or totally lost.

21) Demonic or spiritual bondage, whereby the person is controlled by a rebellious and stubborn spirit.


Whenever you are wrong, a truly wise, humble, and loving friend or partner must say ‘sorry’, and repent. If you offend your lover, but realize that you are not bothered at all by the offence that makes your mate unhappy, then you are losing your love for the person.

Your sensitivity towards the person’s welfare and happiness is becoming dampened.

Rejection of honest criticism will never help you to make improvements or significant progress in your marriage or relationships.

If you regard every good suggestion from your partner as destructive criticism and refusal on his or her part to appreciate you, then your love, affection, and unity will quickly start to weaken or degrade. You can easily develop stubbornness after that.

You must learn to identify genuine ideas from your mate to make improvements and move forward to accomplish better results, instead of seeing every suggestion as an attempt to put you down or hinder your progress.

Un-confessed sins and mistakes on your part will always make you miserable with no joy. If such unrepentant habit continues, you will ultimately become hardened, callous, and stubborn. People will then find it difficult to love, accept, enjoy, and live with you.


When consistent stubbornness is detected, the concerned or spiritual and morally-right partner or friend must immediately start praying, and alert the other partner for them to be aware of the problem. They must then start to unlearn and resist the bad habit that is developing.

Stubbornness can be cured by the fresh development of important ingredients of willingness and cooperation such as:

1) An understanding mind.

2) Wisdom.

3) Humility.

4) Kindness.

5) Forgiveness.

6) Acceptance.

7) A loving heart.

8) Study and application of God’s word.

9) Prayer.

10) Genuine fear of God.

11) Effective communication.

12) Expression of much affection.

13) Frequent and joyful show of romantic acts and good mutual sexual activity (in a marriage).

12) Quality time together, and going out for social and recreational activities.

(Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoo’s new book: “The 20 Major Signs Of A Failing Marriage” from Challenge Bookstores in Ghana etc. – Identifying the problem, solution, and prevention).

By Rev. Dr. Kisseadoo. Professor of Biology. International Evangelist. Bible Teacher. Author. Conference Speaker. Relationships, Marriage, and Family Counselor. Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Incorporated (An Evangelistic and Teaching Christian Organization).


Call for free counseling and prayer, meetings, speaking engagements, copies of Dr. Kisseadoo’s books, messages etc. US Tel. 1-757-7289330, US Cell & WhatsApp: 1-917-7410643.
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