You need a cemetery in your backyard - Counselor Adofoli

We all need to keep a fair-sized cemetery in our backyard where we will bury the faults of our friends and loved ones each time they offend us.

If not, the stench from these offences left unburied are so poison to the extent that, it has the power to make us forget the lovely times we had and their value in our lives.

The true test of your love for your loved ones is how you act when they offend you, not when they do something nice to make you happy. So it is better to bury the pain, anger, the mistakes and restore the relationship. Just as the wind does not blow to shake the branches of a tree but to test its roots, so offences occur in a relationship to test its strength not to break you up. How rooted they are in your heart, tells how you handle their faults.

Again, what defines a relationship is how soon you come back after they have hurt you. In the moment of anger, we are disconnected from our loved ones and that is a perfect opportunity for the devil to terminate our relationship with them; that's the time he points out all the negative things about them; that's when he presents to you the score board of their past mistakes, making you think it best to distance yourself or pay them back in their own coin; but the bible cautions us in Ephesians 4:26-27 (MSG) "Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life".

Never judge them by their past, it will offer them the opportunity to learn and change. Shift your focus to the things that make you feel happy about them. Praise them for that, let them know you appreciate and love them. You should always remember one moment of anger can destroy a lifetime of work whereas a moment of love can break barriers that took a lifetime to build.

When you learn to do that, you become their favourite hello, the one they love to be with all day or any day; you become their hardest goodbye, the one person they can't stand losing.

Become the arms that hold them at their weakest times, the eyes that will see the beauty at their ugliest times and the heart that loves them at their worst time.

One of the best ways to get over anger and all other emotional stress such as depression, jealousy, irritation, insecurity, etc, that come as a result of conflict is to pray. Ask God to forgive them. Tell God you forgive them and God will grant you peace and joy in your heart.

In conclusion “In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part" - Matthew 6:14-15 (MSG).

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