Entertainment of Friday, 17 February 2017
Source: Dr. John Boakye
A fulfilling relationship is the best thing that can happen to you because it offers companionship, support and unconditional love. However, all the beautiful things in a relationship can evaporate if one partner decides to control the other.
In fact, one of the commonest reasons for the downfall of relationships is one partner controlling the other.
Why a partner becomes controlling
Studies show that even though men are more controlling than women, anyone can fall into a controlling relationship irrespective of age, gender, social orientation and socio-economic status.
It does not come suddenly; it creeps on you and you can’t see it until you are deep into it and then your partner takes you for granted and controls you.
Studies also show that controlling behaviours may not be intentional. A controlling behaviour may be a sign of insecurity or deep rooted issues which makes a person completely dependent on his or her lover and desperately fights non-existent threats to keep the relationship.
Signs you are in a controlling relationship
Your lover subtly isolates you from friends and relatives who give you a network of support by complaining how often you talk to them and may say he does not like them.
He refuses to listen to your side and criticises you very frequently about almost everything you do and emotionally manipulates you to feel guilty. You give up your opinions and values of life because you believe your lover has better ideas.
Your lover is jealous and wants to know every detail of your life.
He may claim he does not trust you and this gives him the reason to spy on you and may demand to know every detail of your life.
He checks your phone, email and justifies it by saying if you are not hiding anything, you have nothing to hide.
Some make acceptance conditional like losing weight, leaving friends and associations. Some pressurise you into unhealthy behaviours such as substance abuse or changing your profession and professional goals.
You find you are losing everything about yourself because you do only what pleases your lover.
Dealing with controlling lover
Stay calm. Ask for explanations and reason with your partner. As long as you are right, you can get your message across.
Your man may take you for granted and control you if he feels you are totally dependent on him and he does not need you for everything.
You must, therefore, have your own adventure, goals and career you can be proud of and make you better.
Calmly express your displeasure when your lover tries to control you. Help him to realise his behaviour and to get better but don’t be hasty because you can’t change him overnight.
Is your man controlling you?
Never think that control is a sign of love and that you have to give up everything about you to be in love.
You must also never think he will get better if you get married. If your lover is controlling, you don’t blame yourself but you don’t have to live with it.
Your lover can never control you unless you give him the control voluntarily. How you let him treat you makes him feel he is doing the right thing. Therefore, if you stay with a controlling partner, you have yourself to blame. The more you depend on him the more he may control you.
Have a life of your own. Spend time with friends and relatives who give you support outside your relationship. This will make you stronger and more confident.
Love your partner and be his cheer leader but put a limit to what you can put up with.
If you have tried everything to make him better and still do not see any encouraging results, get out before your man’s controlling behaviour changes you into a puppet.
Have confidence in yourself. Be bold. Stand strong and never give up everything about you in the name of a relationship.