In Mills Ghana, A Goat Can Be A Cow

Sarpong, Justice

Madam Speaker, this is Dr Doom, aka NDC Finance Minister and I am happy to present to Ghanaians the 2012/13 budget with its better Ghana agenda having been achieved in 2011.

Madam Speaker, 1.We promised to let you Ghanaians pay a one time premium for health insurance,Ghanaians are now paying a one time premium just that most people can't pay it one time so we allow them to pay in installment, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 2.We promised to reduce the price of petrol for two cedis a gallon, how could Ghanaians have been that gullible to believe that, we don't 'pee' petrol for free, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 3.We promised to build Brong Ahafo university, though we don't have any buildings or faculties at the site, we have rodents who will graduate with gray whiskers in May 2012, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 4.We promised to build Volta region a university, though we don't have any humans or buildings to house our students, we have deadly snakes which have the site to themselves as snake motel, they will graduate in June 2012 with degrees in deadly poisons, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 5.We promised to reduce unemployment in Ghana, we have created 1.6 million jobs in prostitution, armed robbery, rape, toilet carriers, pick pockets etc, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 6.We promised to jail Ya Na killers,though we deceived the Andani gate to vote for us, we did not have any intention of fulfilling that promise and we wonder how the Andanis would have believed that since we did not have any evidence of any crime committed. We even arrested a 15 year old Abudu who would have been six years when the Ya Na was killed, don't doubt the bravery of Dagomabas, we train our warriors early and deadly, we have fulfilled that lie, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 7.We promised to fill your pockets with money in Ho and Kpando, we didn't tell you what kind of money or how much we intend to give you but go and fish and your pockets will be filled, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 8.We promised to give every family three square meals a day,Ghanaians got us wrong, we meant three very square meals for NDC officials and not everybody and yes we have.

Madam Speaker 9.We promised to jail all NPP corrupt ministers, we are jailing them now but I can't tell you their names or what prison they are being hauled to but believe us, very soon we will have the whole country to ourselves as a one party state, yes we have.

Madam Speaker 10.We promised to reduce water bill rate, we will when water start flowing but at the moment, there is no water so don't worry about any reduction, we have to tax you more so that we can live free on your taxes, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 11.We promised to reduce electricity rate, we are working on it when we find a solution to keep the electri city on, yes we have.

Madam Speaker 12.We promised to reduce toll both rate, we have done that by allowing our Fool soldiers, NO, the name is foot soldiers to keep whatever they collect from the drivers as their own money to keep them happy, yes we have.

Madam Speaker 13.We promised not to borrow more than NPP did, We have so far borrowed 15 billion dollars in 3 years compared to NPP 8 billion dollars in eight years but the voodoo maths we use shows that we have borrosed less, yes we have.

Madam Speaker 14.We promised not to steal from taxpayers, we just built ourselves just mansions and not hotels, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 15.We promised not to steal the Ghanaians who were killed in Gambian money, we just stole GHc500,000 and gave Ghc10,000 to each of the 27 people who died, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 16. We promised our fool soldiers, sorry, I think it's foot soldiers toilet jobs, go to Chorkor, Ashiaman and see our Fool soldiers at work and yes we have.

Madam Speaker 17. We promised our fool soldiers, forgive me I keep forgetting it is foot soldiers but I may not be wrong for calling them that. We promised those scumbags that they can take the law into their own filthy hands and I am happy to tell you that yes, we have.

Madam Speaker 18..We promised to borrow an unprecedented amount of Chinese loans to build STX castles in the air, we have Ablakwa, Bissiw, Benyiwa Doe, Asiedu Nketia castles and yes we have.

Madam Speaker 19, We promised to educate our young deputy ministers and Presidential Aides by using taxpayers money to do that, ask Agyenim Boateng for testimonials and yes we have.

Madam Speaker 20. We promised to make life very hard for parents to access schools for their wards, SSS schools have been opened for the current semester for almost two months and some students are still at home with good grades to even attend our premier schools but the system is messed up we send girls to boys schools and vice-versa, yes we have.

Madam Speaker 21.We promised to create an environment conduicive for workers to embark on strikes, Doctors, Pharmacists, Teachers, Nurses, prison guides, etc all have taken advantage to make life hard for Ghanaians, yes we have

Madam Speaker 22. We promised to let our fool soldiers, is it Foot soldiers, Oh!!forget it, they are fools anyway to make decisions for our President who our MCE's, DCE's and Regional ministers should be and yes we have.

Madam Speaker 23. We promised to build Cape Coast stadium and make Central Region "Adze wo fie oye" region of excellence with all roads tarred, every house with pipe borne water, toilet facilities at every corner and make the beach a place to relax without jumping over mountains of human excreta and central region has been voted as the best place to live on earth, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 24. We wrote a lot of things in our beloved murdering incorporated NDC manifesto as how to make Ghana a better place for all, we deceived you, we didn't mean it, ask blabber mouth Baba Jamal to explain to you how Atta Mills parted the flood and made the flood disappered like Jesus did for the Isrealites by parting the red sea, we are liars, yes we are and have.

Madam Speaker 25.We promised to give you a President on permanent vacation or at best a recluse in President Mills who will put any "Amelia" to shame when it comes to "incommunicado",we have done that and now he has been evasive and hard to get to do anything worthwhile than Houdini, yes we have.

Madam Speaker 26.We promised Ghanaians we will perform magic. We have turned Asiedu Nketiah, a man who was living on Rawlings rations and his son Kimathi Rawlings second hand clothes is now a multi-millionaire within three years after we gave him an exclusive rights to make bricks for Bui Dam. We promised too to bring his wife domiciled in Canada back to his arms, we are still working on it but we have made him a contributing member of society instead of being a ward of the state, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 27. We promised to stop the Foreign Ministry from becoming Visa contractors. We have and only Alhaji Mumuni, the foreign Minister has the exclusive rights now to take your money and use his office to enrich himself in this endevour, yes we have.

Madam Speaker, 28.We promised to prove that President Kuffour aquired a hotel in his son's name and we will prove that and take that hotel and the mall he aquired for his daughter as a properties for Ghana, we have done that and stripped him all the properties he supposedly looted from Ghana, yes we have.

Madam Speaker' 29.We promised to to give women 40% of ministerial positions, though it is now 15% but our voodoo maths says 15% is 40% in voodoo maths theory.

Madam Speaker, 30. We promised to find other ways to earn Ghana much needed foreign exchange to argument what we get from oil, cocoa and gold to achieve our better Ghana agenda. We can now assure Ghanaians that, we are now exporters of demonstrations and our first export of demonstration was achieved when we sent the Hajj pilgrims to Saudi Arabia who have earned us a reputation in the form of cash as an unruly nation, yes we have.

As a matter of fact, we promised you Ghanaians a government soo clueless and not knowing what we are doing, you should have expected this mess we promised you and stop complaining because you have one more year of this messy situation to deal with and if you make a good decision in 2012 and vote us back to power, we can guarantee you more messy government than what you have seen so far, this is your Finance Minister Dr Doom.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe, campaign slogan here I come.

Justice Sarpong

Houston, Texas